Something Awful

Something Awful is behind this poster:

This morning my wife and I were passing by a spot in the hallway and we both noticed a faint smell. At first Helen thought that one of our animals had gone to the bathroom somewhere but my CSI senses kicked in and I recognized the stench of decomp. Currently we have a hole in the ceiling of the hallway closet so I proceeded to empty the entire closet and check to see if anything had fallen through and died. After the whole closet was emptied I decided I better suit up with rubber gloves and check up in the attic to see if somehow something got wedged at the top of the hole. Using my iPhone as a flashlight(because my kids always use up our actual flashlights) I searched the error with eyes and nose, and still I came up empty.

I then took another look in the closet to see if I’d missed something and I realized that the Hurricane preparedness map had been in the closet since we moved in to the house nine years ago. With dread building up inside me I peeled the map back as quickly as I could and caught a quick horrific view of an animal carcass inside a circular hole in the wall. Helen told me later that she heard a woman screaming in the house.

What followed was an hour long process of holding a plastic bag up to the wall and prodding the squirrel carcass out with a stick while suppressing my gag reflex. The moral of the story is this: always be prepared to scream at the right pitch when you open a nine year old hole.